Happy Friday, Friends! Start your weekend off right with a few laughs from these little ones…

Recently, I came home from the gym, and my three-year-old approached me, asking, “Can you talk like Yoda now, Mommy?”

Wondering if I’d understood him, I repeated, “Talk like Yoda?”

“Yeah! You were at ‘Yoda class,’” he answered, pointing to the rolled-up yoga mat hanging from my shoulder. “Can you talk like Yoda now?”

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This summer, Gray (seven years old), attended his first Scout camp with my husband. After several trips to the slushy bar, Chad commented, “Gray, I notice every time you have a slushy, you walk reeeeally slow.”

“Dad,” Gray replied, taking a big slurp, “you can’t rush a slushy.”

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As Reed (four years old) helped me spread soil in the garden, I reminded him that there is manure mixed into the soil, and not to touch his face until his hands were well-scrubbed.

Reed, hollering “Human bulldozer!” vigorously spread the soil, of course flipping some into the air.

“Well,” he said, looking over at me and smacking his lips, “I guess that’s what manure tastes like.”

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The same boy, on the boat a few weeks later, asked, “Would it hurt the fish if a ‘cattle bop’ fell into the lake?”

“A what?”

“A cattle bop,” he said.

Confused, I glanced down at his open palm and realized that “cattle bop” was kidspeak for “bottle cap!”

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Toby (ten years old) tried in vain to hustle around the pool with flippers strapped to his feet. Finally, as he turned around and shuffled backwards, he exclaimed, “Man, now I know why ducks waddle!”

– shared by Kristen

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Emmett (two years old) was frustrated about the bug bites on his legs, so his dad put some lavender oil on the bites to soothe the itch.

The next night, Emmett woke his mom, crying about his legs. Thinking he was having growing pains, she told him she would get some medicine, and returned with a bottle of Tylenol.

“Noooo, Mama,” Emmett cried, “I want the hippie medicine!”

-shared by Kristin

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When JoAnne signed into her Amazon account, she was shocked to see an order confirmation for a whole lot of dirt bike gear.

She immediately called her husband and asked, “Did you order a bunch of dirtbike stuff for Ted?”

“Nooo, why?”

“Because I have an order confirmation for a 1/12 size dirt bike, helmet, jersey, gloves, chest deflector, pants, and ramp stand! Ted (eight years old) must have gotten into the Amazon account!”

“Ohhhh, no! The Kindle!”

– shared by JoAnne

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Amelia (age four) was in the bathroom with her mom having her hair braided when her older brother came in with a whoopee cushion and announced, “Hey Mom, I know where this was made!”

“Where was it made, Baby?” his mom replied.

“China!”

“Yeah,” said his mom, “everything is made in China.”

“No,” Amelia chimed in, “JESUS made me, NOT CHINA!”

– shared by Charlene

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When Emmett (two years old) woke much too early for a stretch of days, his mom kept putting him back into bed and telling him his body needed to rest so he could have energy for the day.

One morning, just after 5 am, Emmett crept into his parents’ room and whispered loudly, “Mama! Wake up! I have LOTS of energy!”

-shared by Kristin

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Corrine (age four) jumped into a muddy, leafy puddle in her rubber shoes, freaked out, and tiptoed home in disgust like she had a load in her pants.

When her mom told her to go inside and take off her shoes, she said “I don’t want to touch them!”

Her mom, thin on patience, replied “You made the choice, so you need to deal with it.”

Corrine stomped into the house.

A couple minutes later when her mom stepped inside with the baby, Corrine was sitting on the rug, gingerly removing her shoes with her pinky fingers. “Jesus God,” she said, “don’t do this to me!”

-shared by Anna

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Thanks to all who shared quotes and tales for this issue of Darndest Things. If you have a kid quote (or parent quote) for the next one, email it to revisionsofgrandeur@outlook.com or message it to Revisions of Grandeur on Facebook.

Keep laughing,

Stacy

*Flippers stock photo via Pixabay

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