Darndest Things: Issue Five

March is a huge month for birthdays in our family – there are nine among our extended family. When Miles turned three a couple weeks ago, we dusted off the courage-for-immunizations talk.

Last Friday my six-year-old stood before the calendar and exclaimed, “Mom! It’s your birthday!” Suddenly his expression turned somber. “I’m sorry to say it’s your turn to be brave for shots.”

We’re trying not to let the dread of shots put a damper on our month, or the outlandish election year coverage around every media corner. I have to say, this promise from my friend Daniele’s daughter sounds a bit like some of the mumbo jumbo I’ve been hearing on the news lately…

“If I was the Presudent I wod sav are cuchreree.”
Save the cuchrerees!

Abby, you might just have my vote come November.

No, seriously.

Enjoy the rest of these quotes submitted by the parents of some truly hilarious kiddos.

When Gavin (nine years old) was allowed to go to the park by himself, his mom offered frequent reminders about safety. One day, before heading out, he said, “Mom, I know I can’t accept candy from strangers, but what if they offer us a delicious casserole? Can I take that?”

-submitted by Niki

Elea (three years old) requested music during a car ride. As her mom scanned the stations, she heard an upbeat country song.

“Stop! I love this song!” she said, and began grooving in the back seat.

“Honey,” said Elea’s mom, “please stop kicking my seat.”

“I can’t stop!” Elea replied. “I’m singing with my feet!”

-submitted by Elizabeth

On Thursday mornings, if Nathan (six years) and Elijah (four years) get up early, their mom will stop for donuts on the way to school. Seizing a teachable moment, Nathan’s mom asked him, “If you have seven chocolate donut holes, and you buy seven vanilla donut holes, what do you have?”

Elijah piped up, “A sick stomach!”

-submitted by Chris

When Toby (nine years old) asked his mom what would hold her love if it came pouring out, she replied, “An ocean!”

“Heh,” Toby said, “Well I would need a PLANET. All the planets, actually!”

– submitted by Kristen

Luke (seven years old), was trying to peek at the television from the time-out step. When his mom reminded him that there’s no TV-watching on time-out and asked him to face the other way, he turned toward his shadow on the wall and asked, “What do you think I am, a groundhog?”

– submitted by Daniele

A friend of mine shared this conversation overheard at home:

“Do you think that girl on the magazine is pretty?”

“Yeah, she looks nice. She’s in her underwear (giggle). Her underwear are cute.”

“What about you? Do you think she’s pretty?”

“I dunno. Yeah, she looks cute in her underwear. But what does she DO?”

Miles (three years old) greeted his mom as she walked through the door with a frozen latte.


He studied the container for a few seconds and asked, “Mom, why does your coffee have a helmet on?”

When Brianna (thirteen) noticed her friend Kennedy’s awesome artistic ability, she exclaimed, “Wow! You’re like set for LIFE!”

-submitted by Kristen

Let’s finish it off with a note from Luke. (This kid kills me!)

“Mom – The cat’s pucked in the living room. I would clean it up but I’m highly sqeamesh.”
– submitted by Daniele

Thanks to all who submitted quotes to this issue of Darndest Things. If you have a kid quote (or parent quote) for the next one, email it to revisionsofgrandeur@outlook.com or message it to Revisions of Grandeur on Facebook.

Keep laughing, friends!



Read more Darndest Things here –>

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12 thoughts on “Darndest Things: Issue Five

  1. Hey Stacy I don’t have kids yet but am totes bedazzled by these miniature versions of happiness and everything you write up. You’re a breath of fresh air and can’t wait to read some more of your work,or is it effortless description if your life? No pressure.


    1. Well aren’t you sweet, Carol! Mary Oliver (a huge she-ro of mine) starts her poem “Messenger” with the line “My work is loving the world.” The best way I know to love mine, I guess, is with words. Thanks so much for taking a moment to read, Carole, and for the kind encouragement. Blessings, Stacy


  2. Awesome! Just found your blog through Stomper Dad. Kids quotes are the most hilarious and I love reading them. My 2 Devils come up with the funniest and I think I’ll pop you a couple. 😊
    Nice to meet you, Stacy!


  3. As ever, I just like to relax for a couple of minutes, away from the madnesses of the inter-webs, and scroll through these little episodes with a smile on my face. Thanks for sharing them.


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