Darndest Things: Issue One

After eating Sun Chips with his eyes closed and head bobbing, Reed (4 years old) fell asleep on the table at Subway. His mom carried him, snoring, to the car, and buckled him in. A mile down the road, he awoke and screamed, “Where’s my CHIPS?”

-submitted by Stacy


Discovering a new passion for Michael Jackson, Rowen (6 years old) watched several YouTube videos and a concert-length performance before asking, “Wait, he’s not a white person, is he?”

-submitted by Jenny


Olivia (almost 2 years old) was not responding to her mother Kathy’s requests for her to be quiet, be still, and be patient in the front row during church. Finally, Kathy scooped her up and headed for the rear doors. Eyes darting, Olivia pleaded with the congregation, “SOMEBODY HELP ME, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!”

“No Livi, they do understand,”  Kathy replied, “and they are on my side!”

-submitted by Kathy


During lunchtime at daycare, Gordy (4 years old) approached his teacher clutching his half-eaten sandwich. “Is the floor dirty?” he asked?

The teacher replied, “Oh yes, it’s very, very dirty!”

Gordy dropped the sandwich on the floor, exclaiming, “OOPS! I CAN’T EAT IT NOW!”

-submitted by Susan


DarndestThingsDaniele

“Do NOT touch. Hair freshly curled!”

-Abby (9 years old), submitted by Daniele


After hours of playing in his aunt’s pool, Miles (2 years old) looked exhausted. He sighed, staggered around the yard in his life jacket, and reported back to his mom, “I can’t find a bed.”

-submitted by Stacy


Kristen and Toby (9 years old) were hunkering down in the basement during a tornado watch. She told him to stay put while she ran upstairs for a flashlight. “No way!” he said, chasing after her, “You die, I die!”

-submitted by Kristen


Emerging from the bathroom, Luke (11 years old) exclaimed “I don’t know what I ate, but it came out fighting!”

-submitted by Daniele


After a busy girls’ day of bug catching, painting projects, and trips to the park, beach, and candy store, Grace (7 years old) snuggled her mom sweetly and said, “You are lucky to be my mom!”

-submitted by Amber


 

I know you’ve got stories — things your kids, grandkids, nieces & nephews, students, or menace neighbor kids said that made you smile or flat-out cackle-snort. Will you share them? Just type ‘em up and email them to revisionsofgrandeur@outlook.com.

I’d love to publish your name and the child’s first name and age, but if you’d rather be anonymous, just let me know how old the child was at the time of the quote or situation.

Keep on laughing.

Stacy


 

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5 thoughts on “Darndest Things: Issue One

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