Darndest Things: Issue One

After eating Sun Chips with his eyes closed and head bobbing, Reed (4 years old) fell asleep on the table at Subway. His mom carried him, snoring, to the car, and buckled him in. A mile down the road, he awoke and screamed, “Where’s my CHIPS?”

-submitted by Stacy

Discovering a new passion for Michael Jackson, Rowen (6 years old) watched several YouTube videos and a concert-length performance before asking, “Wait, he’s not a white person, is he?”

-submitted by Jenny

Olivia (almost 2 years old) was not responding to her mother Kathy’s requests for her to be quiet, be still, and be patient in the front row during church. Finally, Kathy scooped her up and headed for the rear doors. Eyes darting, Olivia pleaded with the congregation, “SOMEBODY HELP ME, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!”

“No Livi, they do understand,”  Kathy replied, “and they are on my side!”

-submitted by Kathy

During lunchtime at daycare, Gordy (4 years old) approached his teacher clutching his half-eaten sandwich. “Is the floor dirty?” he asked?

The teacher replied, “Oh yes, it’s very, very dirty!”

Gordy dropped the sandwich on the floor, exclaiming, “OOPS! I CAN’T EAT IT NOW!”

-submitted by Susan


“Do NOT touch. Hair freshly curled!”

-Abby (9 years old), submitted by Daniele

After hours of playing in his aunt’s pool, Miles (2 years old) looked exhausted. He sighed, staggered around the yard in his life jacket, and reported back to his mom, “I can’t find a bed.”

-submitted by Stacy

Kristen and Toby (9 years old) were hunkering down in the basement during a tornado watch. She told him to stay put while she ran upstairs for a flashlight. “No way!” he said, chasing after her, “You die, I die!”

-submitted by Kristen

Emerging from the bathroom, Luke (11 years old) exclaimed “I don’t know what I ate, but it came out fighting!”

-submitted by Daniele

After a busy girls’ day of bug catching, painting projects, and trips to the park, beach, and candy store, Grace (7 years old) snuggled her mom sweetly and said, “You are lucky to be my mom!”

-submitted by Amber


I know you’ve got stories — things your kids, grandkids, nieces & nephews, students, or menace neighbor kids said that made you smile or flat-out cackle-snort. Will you share them? Just type ‘em up and email them to revisionsofgrandeur@outlook.com.

I’d love to publish your name and the child’s first name and age, but if you’d rather be anonymous, just let me know how old the child was at the time of the quote or situation.

Keep on laughing.



Like what you see? I hope you’ll stick around! Connect with Revisions of Grandeur on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter.

Receive new-post-notifications from Revisions of Grandeur by typing your email address in the box and clicking FOLLOW. Voila! (If you’re on a mobile device, you’ll find this option at the bottom. On a desktop, it’s in the sidebar.) I promise never to spam you. I don’t even know how to spam…

5 thoughts on “Darndest Things: Issue One

I LOVE hearing from you! I wish I didn't have to moderate comments, but you wouldn't believe what people say on the inter-webs these days ;) I promise to update and approve regularly!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s