Welcome to Darndest Things, a collection of humorous kid quotes and stories from my life and yours!

At lunch time a few weeks ago, the boys giggled in the dining room while I sliced apples in the kitchen. I peeked around the corner to see what they were up to, and Gray (six years old), exclaimed, “Look, Mom, it’s the Leaning Tower of Cheeza!”

Name play and mishaps make for some of my favorite parenting moments, like last week in the car when I quizzed the boys on names, addresses, and phone numbers…

“Miles, what’s your name?” I asked my two-year-old.

“Miles!” he said, grinning.

“Your full name, Silly!”

“Miles from Tomorrowland!”

We had a good chuckle at that one before I stumped them all by asking what Grandma’s name was. After a long silence, Gray shouted “BETH!”

“You got it Bud!” I said. “But what’s her last name?”

“Le-hem!” exclaimed Reed (four years old).

Isn’t it fun to see how kids absorb and interpret the characters, places, and wishes of our holiday traditions? As my friend Jenny prepared a gift for a new baby, four-year-old Jack asked, “Who’s that present for?”

“Elise,” Jenny replied.

“Oh yeah!” Jack exclaimed. “Elise Navidad!”

Here are some more reader-submitted kid quotes sure to help start your week with a smile.

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Toby (eight years old) crawled into bed with his mom one night, and proceeded to kick and elbow her through the morning hours.

“Toby, did you sleep okay?” she asked him upon waking. “You sure moved around a lot in bed.”

“Yeah,” he answered, “’Cause I was frolicking in my dreams!”

-submitted by Kristen

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When two-and-a-half year old Veronica entered the kitchen and saw her mother spooning ice cream into a bowl, her eyes grew wide.

“What are you getting?” she asked.

Her mother held up the container.

“Oooh, ice cream,” Veronica answered. “You should share this with me.”

“Oh, I should share with you?”

“Yes, you should share with me. I’m hungry. I’m hungry for this. This is what I’m hungry for. This is my hungry thing.”

-submitted by Lake

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Charlotte (six years old) had a great time playing the Guess Who game – that is, until her mom correctly guessed the white cat and beat her. She threw the plastic game down and yelled, “This game is cancelled forever!”

-submitted by Missi

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Sienna (twenty-three months) sat beside her dad, admiring her newborn brother, Decker.

When the baby began to squirm and fuss, Sienna’s father said, ”I think Decker is getting hungry. What do you think, Toots?”

“Yes,” Sienna replied. “Feed him some soup, Daddy.”

-submitted by Julie

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Aiden, six years old, flung open the front door and hollered somewhat frantically, “Mom! Mom! Where are you?’

“Right here, Aiden,” his mother answered.

“See, Ellie,” he said to his little sister, “I told you Mom wasn’t kidnapped!”

-submitted by Kathy

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An eight-year-old boy asked his mother if he could sleep in his “day clothes” that night.

“Why do you want to do that?” asked his mom.

“Because it helps you not pee the bed.”

“Where did you hear that, Buddy?”

“I searched how to stop wetting the bed!”

– anonymous

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As Amanda helped her toddler son put on his shoes at daycare pick-up, she noticed him chewing the edge of a book.

“Ok, Easton,” she explained, “we don’t chew on books. Put the book down.”

From nearby, a three-year-old boy (who Easton tends to antagonize) looked at Amanda with utmost concern and said, “He is only one years old.”

-submitted by Amanda

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One morning before work, Kellie told her sons that while they finished their breakfast, she’d be making herself “not hideous.”

“Mom, if you don’t want to be hideous,” said eight-year-old Bennett, “try changing the shirt.”

-submitted by Kellie

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Ailee (five years old) explored boxes and bins of treasures while her father worked in the attic.

“Daddy?” she asked, “How come you have this old picture of all the presidents in the attic?”

“That’s not a picture of the presidents, Ailee,” her father replied, “That’s my senior class picture.”

-submitted by Kendalynn

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Thanks to all who shared their stories for the fourth issue of Darndest Things. If you have a share-worthy kid quote (or parent quote) for the next issue, email it to revisionsofgrandeur@outlook.com.

Keep laughing, friends!

Stacy

*Featured image by Amy Vivio Photography

*Miles from Tomorrowland image via hcassociates.com

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Read more Darndest Things here.

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